Growing up, how many times were you told to eat something when you didn’t want to, hug someone you were anxious around, or stop crying when you were sad? Often unwittingly, children are taught to ignore their emotional and physiological cues to appease parents and caregivers. Over time, children learn to distrust their own instincts and replace them with behaviors that make adults happy. This is a version of safety that is hugely needed, but at what cost? Children can become afraid of their feelings when they internalize beliefs about the way these feelings might inconvenience or even threaten the adults in their lives, and they learn to compartmentalize, block out, or dissociate from their feelings. As adults, this may appear like a sense of emptiness, a lack of satisfaction or vitality, and/or clinical depression.
Inner child therapy aims to remember original instincts to validate and make room for their expression. We have all heard, ‘the body keeps the score,’ and what is unexpressed will manifest in unconscious and more complicated ways than if we can address our needs and feelings head on. Through a therapeutic relationship, I help patients get in touch with these core needs that were once overwhelming and painful, and we make friends with these internal states of being. We grieve the losses associated with shutting out feelings, and allow for a relationship with these parts of oneself to emerge in order to live a more authentic and congruent life.
